DREAM GREEN CARS FOR THE CASH FOR CLUNKERS PROGRAM

With the overly succesful Car Allowance Rebate System better known as Cash for Clunkers, wouldn't it be nice to be able to get cars that would honor his highness with cars in his name? Although these cars don't exist (yet), I've come up with models that would pay homage to HOPE and CHANGE:

In honor of GM's de facto CEO, GM presents the solar-powered 2010 Cadillac Barack SOL. Although offered nationwide, the Barack SOL is most popular CA, NV, AZ, NM, FL, and Austin, TX. Its proportions are similar to the Smart Passion, adorably cute. The persons that find this car so appealing are zoftig, single women who find the real Barack so handsome and intelligent. Some of the drawbacks to driving the Barack SOL: 1) Lack of power. It goes from 0-60 in, well never. It has a top speed of 44 mph. 2) It only runs in sunlight which is ok when you have no place to go at night, anyway. If you get stuck somewhere without the sun, like summertime in San Francisco after 2 p.m., you will be SOL.

Not be outdone, Chrysler presents the 2010 Hussein TARP (T&A Repelled Permanently). It is a wind/plug-in hybrid that runs as silent as the President's mainsteam media critics. Analysts have nicknamed it "the propeller hat". Without any wind, this little wonder can travel up to 65 mph for about 30 minutes. With additional wind power: 34 minutes. The Hussein TARP is popular in Chicago, IL, Washington, DC, and cities with large politician/government employee per capita ratios where the wind can blow quite hard. The typical buyer of the Hussein TARP is an over 30, sensitive white male who wants to show the world he cares about the environment more than his own needs.

Now Ford did not receive a bailout. But they, too, must compete for green. Instead of the costly build of a new car from scratch, Ford presents the 2010 Fusion Hybrid MRO (Multiple Recyclable Operations). Besides, gasoline, the Fusion Hybrid MRO can run on recycled oil from restaurants which make the exhaust smell like french fries. It can also be powered by manure (primarily from cows) but horse, pig, and bat also work with reduced power output and your exhaust smells like shit. Since it's behind you, who cares?




The Fusion Hybrid MRO has stying changes from the standard Fusion. It has an all-new, front grill and bumper. The trunk has been doubled in size to carry all of your essentials but this enhacement adds a bit of oversteer to everyday driving. The interior has been redesigned by J.Crew. The person for this car is the person who wants to change the world even if nothing is wrong. When others see you in this car, that can't help but tell you how smart, elegant, and wonderful you are....

Fortunately, this is all just a dream (for now).