As a kid of 8 I liked Halloween. It was the only night of the year I was allowed to roam the streets at night. I had to be responsible for my brother and sister, but so what? I was out at night like Batman. My dad figured it was safe enough because we lived on a naval base in Hawaii. Before that, we lived in South Central L.A.(aw, HELL NO), on a country road in Japan, and a naval base in Guam (Dad had to walk with us). After about an hour trick or treating, my sister had enough and we brought her home. My brother and I emptied our bags and went back out. I was dressed in this store-bought fake spider guy costume and my brother was a clown. We walked to the very edges of the neighborhood and came home well rewarded about 10 pm. We thought we might be in trouble since our usual school night bedtime was 8:30. The old man didn't care because it was Halloween and he didn't have to go out with us. He also rifled through our candy and took a few Reese's peanut butter cups.
When I was 9, my parent's bought the family home in Granada Hills, California. My sister didn't want to go out for Halloween. Our baby brother was only 2. So it was just me and Geoff. I don't remember our costumes. All I remember it was cold and windy. Most of the kids wore coats over their costumes. What kind of superhero or monster wears a plaid coat? When I got home, I soaked in the tub to get feeling back in my joints. The next Halloween we wore costumes that kept us warm. I was a USC football fan complete with jacket and beanie.
My dad died of a massive heart attack when I was eleven. After that, Halloween was like any other night except for the costumes. When I was 13, I discovered this trunk my dad had with his gear from Viet Nam. That's right, my dad fought in 'Nam. I found all this authentic military gear--US Navy fatigues, boots, a knife, L-shaped flashlight, and floppy hat--all I needed was an M-16 (a toy version I found at some local toy store). I had extra uniforms for my friends Charlie and Joey. My brother Geoff didn't want to hang with us because he was too busy smoking weed with his friends. Except for our pillow cases, we looked awesome. About an hour into our rounds,
we stop at this house. "Trick-or-Treat" we scream. This long-haired guy comes out and shuts the door behind him. He then proceeds to lecture us about the "baby-killers" we represented and the evils of our troops. Confused, we just stared at each other.
I told the hippie to F*** off. My dad was my hero and nobody was going to bad-mouth
him. This was 1978.
Two years later, I went out on Halloween with Charlie and my friend, Dave. Dave and I just wore our suits we wore for Jr. High graduation. We were modern day pimps complete with gold chains. Country music was all the rage because of the movie, Urban Cowboy, so Dave borrowed a cowboy hat with feathers to be a cowboy pimp. Charlie painted his face to look like Peter Criss from Kiss and wore a brown leather trenchcoat with no pants. He was a flasher. We didn't go out for candy. We just walked around and visited people we knew. Half of them offered us bong hits. Dave and I declined. I'd like to say that was the last time I dressed up for Halloween, but I did it one more time.
In 1986, I stopped at a Halloween party with my girlfriend (now wife) just to say hello. We were not in costume. Charlie was there dressed as a caveman with some cavegirl I've long forgotten. My friends, Gary and Bret, were dressed as Arab sheiks and kept offering to buy my girlfriend. As we observed the crowd, I noticed how skanky the women were dressed: "Head" nurses with knee pads, French maids, schoolgirls, and hookers. We left for dinner and a movie.
In 1988, my wife and I ended up at a Halloween Party in the house they claim Debra Winger, actress from the aforementioned Urban Cowboy, An Officer and a Gentleman, and Terms of Endearment supposedly grew up. The same Debra Winger recently called for the release of child-rapist and fugitive, Roman Polanski. I have no idea who invited us but we got there late and people were hammered. My wife came as Raggedy Ann and I was Raggedy Andy. My costume was designed for someone about 5' 8", 175 lbs. I'm 6' and weighed 198 lbs. at the time so it didn't look good. I wore the sailor hat/yarn wig but I refused to paint my face. I haven't worn a costume since.
My former employer liked for us to dress for Halloween when the psycho employees and their clothes matched. My boss ordered my department to dress up. We said no. She insisted. We compromised. All but one of us wore matching glasses and a red ball-nose. She wasn't happy, but she never asked again. Two employees I can't forget: One was an artist/bodybuilder that most of the women wanted, before he came out of the closet and dressed as a playboy bunny. He might have made some guy happy, but he died of AIDS a few short years later. Another was a girl who showed up dressed to the nines in a black party dress, high heels, hair and make-up. Although she normally sounded like a girl, she dressed like a male college student. After our applause she volunteered she might have looked this way more often if her uncle hadn't repeatedly molested her when she was a little girl. How do you forget that one?
My daughter was born in 1993. She loves Halloween. Over the years she has dressed as Big Bird (twice), Tinkerbell (twice), Snow White (the irony), a dancer, and a Fanta Girl (Orange). This year she wanted to dress as a nun. Yes, a skanky nun with fishnets and high heels. She tried the costume on for us. My wife and I consider ourselves reponsible parents. We fought with her about it. It has since been returned. In two years, she'll be 18, a legal adult. Then it's on her.
Halloween is no longer that one day we get dressed up a play pretend. It has become SKANK IT UP, GET HAMMERED, AND GET LAID IF YOU CAN night. It caters way more to adults than children and it has become a huge business. I'm all for businesses making lots of money. Let's just keep our underage kids of the pole as l;ong as we can....
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