Zero for Thirty-One

Last Tuesday, 11/3/09, the voters of Maine voted YES ON QUESTION 1 which voted down same-sex marriage. It was the 31st time in a row that state voters would ban same-sex marriage through a state referendum. After 31 straight defeats, perhaps the gay-rights activists would take a hint. I don't have a problem with gays wanting to be recognized. They claim that they they want equality. My problem is them changing the meaning of marriage:

noun 1. the social institution under which a man and woman establish their decision to live as husband and wife by legal commitments, religious ceremonies, etc.

Gay couples have been allowed to have all the same rights that traditional heterosexual couples: Property, insurance, adoption, wills and living trusts, etc. through civil unions and domestic partnerships. What gay couples don't have is the name MARRIAGE which has belonged to traditional couples for thousands of years. Gay activists tell us that their relationships are exactly the same as a man with a woman. I disagree. Two apples are not the same as two oranges.

Having worked in the entertainment business for many years, I've met many gay people. Some were very nice. Some were flamboyant. Some were closeted. Some were complete in-your-face activists. It's those activists we need to worry about.

Back in the 90s, my company was bought by a large entertainment company which in turn merged with an even larger company that recognized domestic partnerships. I was meeting with an HR manager (Bob, not his real name)that was helping us with our restructure. After knowing each other a few months, we started talking about our kids. He told me he was in the process of adopting two brothers. The conversation went something like this:

Trace: "That's awesome. What made you decide to adopt?"

Bob: "We've been their foster parents for awhile. They're great kids who've had it rough and we want to raise them as our own. Because one of them is a little older, most couples want to adopt younger kids. We don't want to see them split up."

Trace: My wife and I talked about it. You just never know what the kids have been through before you meet them. Your wife must be really special."

Bob: "I don't have a wife."

Trace: "Wow, a single man wanting to adopt..."

Bob: "No..."

Trace "I don't understand..."

Bob: "Life partner." (a 90s term)

Right then I had a decision to make. I was genuinely suprised. Bob looked and acted just like any guy I'd known. He was gay, not evil.

Trace: "You've got guts. I'd rather see those kids with two men that love them than be stuck in foster care."

Bob: "I appreciate that..."

I meant it then and I mean it now. Many gay couple live similar mundane, everyday lives like straight couples. Most of them are fine with domestic partnerships. They live their lives pretty much like the rest of us.

I became an adult in the 80s. When I met my first openly flamboyant in-your-face gay guy, it was at work. One lunchtime, he introduced me to his "lover". "Lover" was the term gays used at the time to let you know "HEY, I'M GAY". They invited me to lunch with a few others. since I was new to the company, I went. After talking with the "lover" during lunch, I found that he was a lot like me--he was into playing sports, fixing cars, boxing, and firearms. Big difference--he liked sex with men. I still say that if you're gay, not my issue. If you're a guy who wants to spend his wintry nights in the arms of another man--enjoy.

Later "lover" was switched to "life-partner" to show that they were in a committed relationship. Then one day their terms would no longer suffice. Civil Union--not good enough. Domsetic Partnership--not good enough. They wanted our term, marriage. Two apples are not two oranges.

My biggest problem with changing the definition of marriage is that the great majority of us have to break with time honored tradition to accomodate a tiny minority of a minority. Most gay people don't even want to get married.

Another issue I have is that while some gays want to change marriage so that they can be part of mainstream society, they also want their own community:


LGBT--Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, & Transgendered. I thought lesbians were gay. Bisexuals--what's their problem? The buffet is always open. The transgendered have their own set of issues which the rest of this group tend to muddy. Gay rights parades make Mardis Gras look tame. Cities in my home state, California, have sizeable gay populations. San Francisco, West Hollywood, and Palm Springs went crazy before the November 2008 election. California voted YES ON 8 to strike down same-sex marriage. These same voters still voted for Barack Obama. So much for HOPE and CHANGE.


I hope to be a grandparent someday. I don't want to be talking with my future 6 year old granddaughter and have her tell me that someday she and her friend Briana might get married because the definition of marriage has been changed...